Strange

It's funny how it seems like so many people are dying. Well, they're suffering at the same. Life threatening type of suffering. I should be crying about it or hype or even worried as hell...But I'm not. I'm always wondering about it, but not anything like you'd feel if you were close to these people. My grandfather, he's basically dying. All my aunts be saying to him "we'll go eat out next time so get better soon". Really? What if there is no "next time"? I mean I'm not saying that because I'm pessimistic or anything. I'm not that negative. But the fact that he's suffering from a poor heart (pace maker(?) not workin' so well. Cannot be replaced due to his old age), and liver cancer. It's ridiculous. He was eating healthy and doing healthy activities, or so I've heard. You'd expect him to be healthy and avoid being in the hospital. See, that's strange. But then again maybe it goes by karma. I only believe in it by 50% so I don't really care. Today, almost everyone in the family visited him in Jefferson Hospital. Me & my two cousins are the only ones who haven't done so. Not my fault, I had to watch my 5 year old brother & I don't think he should go visit since he's so young. tomorrow, I have to go there with my cousins. It's gonna be so awkward when I see him. i mean, he doesn't even know that I'm his granddaughter. No, it's not cause he's got bad memory. He never cared or whatever. Yet he pays full attention and favors the boys in our family. How lame. But...It's sorta different now. I bet he regrets a bit. Or a lot. The weird thing is that I have to go to him, tell him my name & state the fact that I'm his granddaughter. It's like the first meeting or something (I met tons of times. I'd say hi, he'd just fully ignore me.) and who knows...maybe the last. My mom is scared as hell. I never knew what to say though. I could only say a few sentences. What more can I say? I don't know the man. Barely. He's not the only one suffering though. My grandmother is. But that's probably why she won't look at her husband. Her, on the otherhand, I know her. I know how annoying she can get too. But the fact that I know her well enough, it would hurt & change a lot. All this, is tied to another situation which I won't bother mentioning. It's so whack. But then again, a lot of things are.
I'm not depressed or anything. Well, I think. but it's like it's hard to be wild & smile & be jumpy at the moment when I know about all that. I don't know. Even if I become cheery, it's probably fake. Or I'm hungry & drank too much energy drinks + coffee.