Today - A Change (Of Heart?)

So I said that I didn't really want to visit my mom's father. It's not that I wanted to be mean, I was scared & I thought it'll be mad awkward. Recap? He's dying from Cancer and his heart pacer is not working too well. Heart is weak now. So He's in the Jefferson hospital (2nd time) and everyone but me & James & Jeff visited. So I had to go today with them. Honestly, I really wanted to stay home. But of course my mother forced me, which I now appreciate that she did so. When I came to the room, I saw him. He looked so different to me. And I've seen him so many times before, he's looked like he lacked food (majorly) and ill. He didn't know who I was. I mean he knows I exist but never paid attention to me or the females family members before he was diagnosed with cancer. I just shook his hand and said hi. He looked cold & in pain. I didn't know he was suffering more than I was told. Just saying hi & shaking his hand immediately made some of connection. Looking at him made me feel more sorry for him. I was close to crying but I was doing a good job holding it in. I mean, it's horrible for me to even think this way but it looked as though he won't make it. All the medicines aren't effective enough. For him to have an I.V., they can't find his vein just because he's skinny & sh*t.They even made an accident with the needle of the I.V. and then his back of his hand was bleeding like nuts. I thought he would die that time for blood loss, gosh. You couldn't tell if he were awake or sleeping. Even if he's talking, he's probably asleep. Although, he don't say things that's random or anything. What's pitiful is that his medical insurance won't pay for these medicines that he has to take. YET, they'd pay for the T.V. in his room, What the hell? So, since they wouldn't pay for meds, hell, why not make them pay for the T.V.? So yeah...And the doctor who is some Chinese douche-bag, he wants my grandfather to leave the hospital soon. The insurance covers for 11 days, today was the 8th day. That guy is a JERK. At least support your own kind. Because most meds haven't worked well, he wants him to be discharged being that there's nothing more they can do to help. Well, we want him to stay till he gets a little better. The hospital can't kick any patient out. Even if they come after someone in the family for the bills, who cares. They can't charge you or make your credit bad. They get enough funding and money for themselves. A hospital can only bother you for so long anyway. I felt good to visit him. And before anything happens, I would like to go visit again.