Music Keeps Me Sane

Forget that emo shit.
I typed all of that crap when I was in my emo moment.
But really, it's nothing too serious as long as I have it managed.
I know better than to let something like this make me go...depressed
I think I should go and like...have some serious fun at some time when I don't have so much assignments.

Sigh. I think I need a hug.
Just not from this one FREAKIN person.

Jobless. Someone, Hire Me!!!

Yeah...This has been going on for a while. I need a job, it's not cool to be close to being broke. I don't ask my parents for money...it's weird to me, at this age.

Does anyone notice that my English teacher...doesn't seem to like me very much?
I don't know, I kinda sense that. Well I'd understand why...including the fact that I'm not really participating in class >_<


I don't know why, but I keep missin' the memories I had in my freshman year. I was best friends with only two people in my school. It was nice how all three of us with together like that. We use to cut school, hang out, chill, sing (we suck, indeed), and ... ahem...maybe i shouldn't mention this here. But anyway the point is we're no longer close to one of girls. It's just me and my bestie. But we definitely miss the missing member. you could say that at the moment she's the missing puzzle piece in our lives. I still see her, I only be saying hi or something, that's it. Nothing more. That's how distant we are! And she still tells me how she misses the old times when we were all together. How we used to talk about buying a house together when we finish high school or college...And I remember how my freshman year was so problem/stress free. Everything's just so different now...

It's Impossible For Me...Shut up

I'm the qirl on the side
Hoping you'll make up your mind
I'm the one who will swallow her pride
One of the many, one of the few
To stand back and wait for you



This is not me. Maybe.
___________________________

You were next to me and asked for my name
It was very unexpected and you really seemed lame
I thought, what weirdo would come out of nowhere and ask that?
You followed me to the auditorium & next to me was where you sat
I didn't try to ignore you, I didn't want to be rude
And there was no reason to be, I was in a good mood
You kept talking about so many things, it wasn't awkward, you made it cool
I felt like we've been friends for a while
But we're freakin' strangers
I thought I'd be uncomfortable but I was chill, staring at your smile
You've no idea how weird it seems
How you made my day special, feels better than my best dreams
Not sure how you did it
But I'm under your spell
You still dazzle me and it's just your personality
You're nowhere to be found most of the time
Not knowing what to say about my feelings isn't a crime
But I have so much fear in me, I HATE IT.
At the same time, I can't say anything at all
Your not there, there's no way I can speak to you
There's no way for me to get close to you.
_____________________________________
I know my poetry skills SUCK. But i like to be able to express my feelings, you know?
I rhyme like a little kid, so yeah... Well if you actually read those poems i appreciate that you took your time to do that :]
First poem used to be something I could relate to but not anymore...Things changed. Second one is like a story about someone...obviously. I'm not telling you people who it is. I wish i never fell for him, it's so stupid. I don't get to see him much nowadays so it seems pointless and impossible to try to reach to his heart. But I barely see him so,really now, how can I talk to him personally? (Putting myspace and online crap aside)But ugh, I like him too much. Exactly...that's why it's stupid. Everyone went through this before & it's a pain. Crushing on dudes are a pain.

Problem Problems Probs...and more?

Have you ever been compared to another person? I mean ALL the time. I don't know about you, but I'm pretty much in that situation. I feel like I can't be classified as...just me,myself. I'm always compared to some other person. Some of you might know what the heck I'm talking about & who the person I'm mentioning. I don't have a problem with the person, I have a problem with being compared with her & anyone else. It's ohkay if they don't say these things all the time and just once in a while but this a LOT. It has nothing to do with jealousy(since for me, I like the individual type of thing: unique & being myself).It's annoying, I'm hearing it almost everywhere and you have no idea how much I hate that. I don't show my true feelings or expressions on the outside but if I did, it wouldn't be good.I even notice that people would pick her or me over one of us. What are we, some freakin identical items for you to pick?!! This has something to do with being put down by others as well. Being put down about anything such as academically, looks,fashion,style,etc, is just simply annoying. And some things aren't meant to be said out loud. I'm just me, who I am. People classify me as someone's that just like her. What ever happened to individuality? That always lingered in my mind. On the outside, sure, to you people I look like her by 10% but personality wise, DIFFERENT. I know, I'm hype. I don't mind to be her so-called "twin"!! It's just the words that come out of people's mouth...it needs to stop.

I notice I get to school on time which is good but it's not early enough. I mean that 1st period started already when I get there. And I miss Biology Pre-class assignments which would hurt my grade even though test scores are awesome.
I hate...Algebra 2. I get confused and lose track of new problems and crap. It always happens when it comes to math type of things but it's funny that I'm not that bad with scientic notations. Tomorrow I have a test. I'll fail for sure. And I'll be so pissed about it.
Maybe I should not participate with the Homecoming thing. I have to let my friends down bout that. But really, it's cause even now, I have time managing problems with hw's & studying. I procrastinate and probably will never stop. I'm not made to have a a schedule full of activities, I know that and that's why I really shouldn't have signed up. Well, if they can't understand & think I'm making up excuses, then oh freakin' well.

I know, I sound so negative here. But it's probably cause I'm very tired and stressed a bit. Sorryyyyyy! But you knoww, I put on a smile in the public and then save the pessimistic part of me on the blog or something. Promise, next entry would be cheesy and positive.

La La Laaa~

I just bought that hoodie I really wanted from Pacsun. lol, I saw it at the store for $60 in Atlantic City "The Walk" outlets stores. That was like 2 months ago. never did go on sale so i bought it because they're running out of mediums. bought it online since i'm not going to a mall any time soon. happy about my purchase, not happy that I spent $60 on it. But I really like it.


I know I keep complaining about being jobless but you know...it's not fair. I applied to 15 jobs and no one hired me. Shouldn't be thinking about job at this time as a junior since it could mess up my studies and stuff...but i just need the money. i don't want my parents to pay for clothes for me and other things. Plus, I'm trying to save up a bit for college. but that's not easy if you're freaking JOBLESS. I think I'll try the AdSense thing on here, make a resume so my chances of being hired would be wider.( cause some places require that) I might apply to Raindrop Cafe again, Center city's Riteaid, Bath&Body Works at Gallery & Liberty Place, and uh...yeah. i like center city a lot. might try Reading Terminal, AGAINN. My friend Bachnhan work at a pizza place there and says i should apply to her place again. eh...haven't gone there for a while.

My parents are so...ugh. idk, i just hate them. they way they are, it's always pissing me off. no, actually it's just my mom. she's...not normal when she gets all pissy and nags or something. it's annoying. more than annoying! and with my anger problems( as nobody noticed about) it's not a good combination. i hope to dorm someday when college year comes around.

Procrastinating Is My Worst Habit

I forgot to call Harry to see if SAT prep is still letting people sign up or if it even started yet.
I keep saying I will but errr...I never do! See what I mean when I say that I procrastinate so much?!
Ugh. And I was late to school today. Sucks lots cause I really wanted PERFECT attendance like I used to have :[
I just wanna be proud of something at least. Cause I'm not an honor roll student and stuff so there wouldn't be anything I can be proud of really.(of course, it's cause I'm lazy and whatnot.)

Ohkay when it comes to American History I feel like I REALLY can't keep it up with the notes. I can't tell what's the most important and the site that was given doesn't help a whole lot especially with my homework, which is stupid. Everyone's telling me to drop the class... but for some reason I feel like I just want to stay and try to keep the notes up. And you knowwwww I don't really like to rely on others for notes and homework help. I don't want to bother people and make them feel like i'm annoying or i'm too lazy to do things myself. including the fact that I probably can't "repay" them and stuff. Yep, I'm that kind of person. I hate to burden my friends.

Another thing to say is...I want a new cellphone. But I don't want my parents paying for it (they would never want to anyway). The one and only cellphone I want is Sony Ericsson C905. Didn't come out yet. It has 8MP(megapixels) camera(just as good as a digital camera!), mp3 player,GPs system,Wi-Fi(free internet!), and some other awesome features. i know for sure it'll cost a bundle like $300-$400. but it's more compact to me since it's like an all-in-one thing,so it'll be worth it. just one thing...I need a job if I want to get this.
I'm gonna put up Google AdSense. Ads will be in my blog, so if you click on it(one click) i'll get money from that. =]
money making! on the side. it's like getting a grade & paid for the blog. lmfao.

I'm not chill today

Yeahhh...I'm so tired. I don't even know why cause I've been sleeping at 9:40Pm these days & stuff. And I'm pissed too. I went to Chinatown's Center to apply for SAT prep afterschool but I found nobody that manages the sign-up thing...Went there for no reason. I feel like kicking Harry's butt (the coordinator of SAT prep and the Chinese Christian Center.) cause he told me to come ANY time.

I need a job. Seriously...Even though I'm only allowed to work two days a week. Idon't know how I;d manage though cause I've been procrastinating a lot and getting what not.

I bumped into a kid I dislike in school. The one that looks like "the Korean Dictator". I don't mind to kick his butt anytime if it weren't against school rules. He's just plain rude to people,you know?

I notice that in American History my head gets dizzy or I get headaches when we do stuff there. Maybe it's cause it's actually kinda hard there...

Limits on the computer SUCK

I can't go online for more than 2 hrs each day. Sucks, right? But it'll keep me from procrastinating when doing homework/assignments, hopefully.

You know,I was looking at some pictures on facebook. It was taken when me and my friends went to the beach and some other awesome places. It just made me miss the summer a whole lot more, esp. tanning and going to Wildwood & other amusement/theme parks. :[

I wonder if next weekend's weather will be like 80 something degrees. Cause my tan looks funny. And I just wanna go to the beach just once more this year. And I think I have to return some jewelry at The Pier Mall in Atlantic City ( i have like 50 days left to do that).

Yesterday night I tried teasing my hair & used hairspray to make it look scene.(for fun) The short layers in my hair aren't short enough so it looked fugly. I washed my hair & saw that like 20 strands of my hair fell out. I freaked outttttttttt.I think hairwax/paste is better for spiking the ends of hair pieces though...um yeah that was part of goal when i tried the teasing technique.Yeahhh, go laugh at me. I just like to experiment and try out stuff when it comes to hair and makeup, believe it or not.

First Day, Fresh Start.

First day, fresh start, right? Well, I mean first day of school as a junior & first time using this blogging website. Yesterday was the first day of school. I wasn't anxious, nervous, excited or anything. I guess I just felt a little neutral. When I stepped into my high school I felt like nothing really changed except for some rules, the new principal, classes, etc...I don't really know how to explain it, ha ha. So far, I like my classes except for Algebra 2 & maybe Chinese. I don't have a problem with the subject of Algebra 2 but then I just think the teacher and the class is boring. Chinese isn't hard but I heard we'll be having oral tests which is what I hate. I don't really remember all of the words that I was taught there. I'm Chinese but they're teaching Mandarin and it's pretty different from my language, Cantonese. Just not really tuned into that class, if you know what I mean.

I ♥ the Twilight saga! Not a lot of people know that though. For those who have no idea what the heck I'm talking about, I'm talking about the series (books) Twilight that's by Stephenie Meyer. I've only read the first two books, Twilight & New Moon. I'm waiting for my friend to get Eclipse (third book) back from someone who's borrowing it. I hate to not read any of those books for so long! It's dreadful & I feel like I'm missing out. Yes, I'm almost like a hardcore fan of Twilight. Oh yeah, bad news to those who love Twilight : Midnight Sun might not be published or continued since some of the incomplete parts leaked out to some websites. So she's mad and there'll be a delay on the book. :(

Anyone ever heard of George Nozuka? Some of you heard of his little brother Justin Nozuka. Well George is kinda hot & it probably wouldn't make sense but I think his songs are hotter than him, LOL. He's well known in the U.S. but for some reason his CD still isn't sold here. I want it though! And I don't feel like getting it from ebay or anything like that.
Hm...I think I'll be ending my first blog entry here because I think I typed a lot & I don't know what else to say, lol.