When will I ever get my saturdays back?!

Sighhhhhhhhhhhh. I really miss having a Saturday morning to myself. As some of you know, I 've been going to the SAT prep & now that it's over there's PSSA prep. So that' means tomorrow I'll have to wake up at like 7:45AM & get there at 8:50AM. Not bad though, since we don't have to come at 8AM like for SAT prep. It'll be beneficial but I'm not sure that I'll be fully awake in the morning. I don't know why I'm complaining actually, this doesn't really seem that awful. lol.
In reality, I don't need my Saturdays much. Most of the time on Saturday mornings I do absolutely nothing constructive. Not even homework sometimes, which is cause I tend to forget about it a lot.(except for English, haha)
Weird. Talking about Saturday mornings make me think about the free summer mornings. I'm missing the summer air & weather. I'm pretty sick of the coldness. RAWRRR!
This entry seems pretty messed up. I don't know why.

Snow Dayyy

I loves it! The snow looked soo pretty...When nobody walked on it & made it look dirty & discolored. It was cool, just staying home & having a day off. I didn't do much but I did some of my homework. I didn't do Kasper's essays though, which sucks. Tomorrow, all that snow outside is turning to ICE. Gay, right? I know it is to me. I don't wanna have to walk on it be all careful to not slip & whatever. Troublesome!
The ice better melt soon cause I hate black ice. Especially when I'm rushing to school, which is pretty usual. Well, I wonder if I should still stay after school tomorrow for volunteering...( Yes, I'm nicee.)

Something random. Have you ever thought about teacher & student relationships? It's like you can't really be their friend because well there are some lines you can't cross. When your pretty close to a teacher, you feel like treating them like all of your friends or neighbors or some crap like that. You really can't though. No matter what, you can't ever be that close like friends. But then again, I've seen students & teachers as close friends. Like they share secrets, talk about their life, & actually chill together outside of school. I have no idea if hanging out with your teacher outside of school is against the rules(is there such a rule?) but from the looks of it, sometimes the teacher looks like/ acts as a 2nd parent to the student(s). That, in my opinion sounds pretty nice. To have some adult to talk to other than your parents. Get what I mean?

Main Computer Is Messed UP

I can't believe it. Today as soon as I got on the computer, it froze. That was while somebody instant messaged me & then it just frozed on me & I tried everything to make it work. I just restarted it (force). When it was trying to start up Windows, it failed. I tried using the last settings that worked so it can start up. That failed. So I just let it start normally. That, unfortunately failed as well. Honestly, I don't know what just happened. I'm wondering if it the hard drive...Or something. Maybe it was updating & froze accidently & it wasn't a good idea to restart it so soon. Damn, I'm just mad as hell. I have so many important things in the computer. I have like millions of essays in there & music in it. This sucks. I'm out of ideas on how to fix the computer, other than to reboot or some shit like that. Guess I'll have to go find the windows CD & the HP CD. I bet my dad is going to yell at me & blame it all on me, as always. If anyone has any idea what I should do, please tell me.

CRAP!

I'm never serious enough in school. Well every year it's different.I get more serious year after year...But it's never enough. Even now, this isn't my best. I'm just so lazy & keep taking things for granted as always. I don't think I'll ever learn from that. As far as I know, my grades are pretty ugly. Maybe to those who just care about passing would say my grades are decent but that's not what I'm just aiming for. I want to have an honor roll again & whatnot. Having one C is bad enough...I really shouldn't have taking my one class for granted. I'd probably cry over it but that's not gonna get me anywhere.
I'll say that I'm Gonna try much harder this semester but I know on the long run I'll keep forgetting my homework & shit. I don't know. I need to lose the habit,seriously. I'm disappointing myself...But I hope my last semester would better than all grades I've ever gotten...

Deal With It

I just hate it when there's all this damned arguments at home. It's like a riot. Even if isn't me arguing, it just upsets me. I'm sick of it. And if I'm not in the arguments, somehow one of my parents blame me or get me in it.What the f*ck? And sometimes it's just full of shit, senseless. I know, I could just use my earphones and blast my iPod's music but it doesn't really make much difference. Sometimes, I'd like to run out of the house and go somewhere. I'd love to, really. But there isn't really anywhere to go. Especially with the cold weather & being that we still have school. God, I feel sorry that my brother would have to be with them while yell,yell,yell. I hope I can dorm if I can go to a college I wanna go to. I can't stay here, which is kinda sad.

This summer, right after I turn 17, I plan to get away for a while. I've no idea where. Hope I get a job around that time...So I can save up for the trip. I wanna go to Seaside Heights or somewhere pretty, near the beach. The beach is a really calming place to me & it'll mostly help me feel good esp. after junior year. I have to find a place to stay, like a hotel or something. There'll be 5 people or more coming along. I need summer, right now. I hate the cold weather!It's nuts to me.

Getting The Job

I didn't get the job. Well, I didn't even come see the manager, lol. There's some girl who came in and asked to see the manager tomorrow on Friday. So what I'm doing now is waiting to see what day she'll be working. What I heard was that she's planing to take Saturdays but we're not sure. WE just wanna confirm that first. I only want the Sunday shifts so if she takes Saturdays & Sundays, then oh f*cking well, lol. My friend plans on quitting so later on I'll take her place if that happens. Otherwise, if I can get the job & work on Sundays, she'll stay for a while just to support me. And...if I can't get a job at that place at all, I'd have to get a job at Starbucks since my cousin can talk to the manager for me. I'd say the whole job hunt is going by luck nowadays. It just isn't as easy for somebody who's under 18, have a limited schedule, inexperienced, whatsoever. Sigh, I'll just patiently wait till Friday night to find out if there's a chance I could get a job there.

Honestly, I'm just getting my hopes up for no reason, maybe. Things like this happens a lot & in the end...No job. -___-

Random Poetry D:

Brightened Day:

On the ground, I was
Tears came about
As much as the rain that poured
Like the day was just going so wrong
Like everything was falling apart
I could hear footsteps
Walking against the puddles
I promised I wouldn't dare look
To see who this was
I just looked & as if that wasn't enough
I dared to look at his face
Before I could even speak
A hand, reached out towards me
I stared with my heartache
His heart warming aura
Something made me trust
My hand just slowly reached out
Cautious, I felt
Afraid of another thunderstorm to hit my days
I took the hand regardless
And the storm passed
A father he was to me
That I never knew
Who counseled my thoughts


RainStorm:

I've been looking for you
Dad, why haven't you looked over me
Helped me in any way?
All you do is treat me like any other human
Like Any person you know
You never really thought of me as your child
I matter less to you
Looking at you forces my eyes away
I do look at you as father figured
But you're not there for me
And you won't even give the better concern for me.
You've only made me see the bitter truth
In the bitter rainstorm that lives again.


-----Okay, this poem sounds alright but weird at the same time. If you don't know what I'm talking about, forget it lol.
It's just one of those random poems I happen to think up of. I'm not talking about my own father, definitely not. Don't know if you can tell but that so called father is just a person who acts as a father. Honestly I find this poem kinda...ugly. lol. Cause it doesn't seem to fit...the father dude at least.

Hype

Yeah, have you noticed people nowadays are so hype?gosh! LOL, kidding. It's not about that...It's about how I'm hype about something that just came up. I found a job opening for only one more position! YEAHHH! lol. And I really want this job because I know most of the people who works there. Plus, I need the money. But something is stopping me from confirming the manager that I truly want the job. See, I'm trying to take the cashier position & you'd have to remember some of the produce numbers/codes which are ten digits long. My memory sucks & I'm afraid to make thousands of mistakes with the numbers. It's sad I would let this get in the way...It's including my shyness I suppose. All my life I let the little things bother me & really, it's ridiculous. I find that this job position is the only one that I can find that's available(before I turn 18 at least)so I should take the opportunity this time... & just simply screw the fact that I could mess up on the produce codes. I just have to study it over time. & training...Let's say I know I'll be afraid & nervous but that's all natural & like everyone would say, you'll have to learn & go through it someday. If anyone has some tips on the first job or anything, you should tell me, since I'll need it :D

Panic

I'm afraid I might've broken my wrist or the bones happened to pop upwards. It's so creepy, it's like a noticable bump. I compared it to my other wrist, definitely not normal. I've noticed ever since yesterday...It didn't hurt but now it does & I'm not sure if it hurts only because it's like...like an illusion in my head or something but I'm just kinda panicking. You've no idea how much I hate breaking or hurting my bones, the whole healing process is a pain in the butt & takes too freakin' long. Plus nobody likes being so limited with a cast. My Dad thinks it's nothin.(fact:he always say that about everything) My mom tells me she doesn't have the time to take me to my doctor's. I can't go without my parents, those people in the office won't allow it. It's crazy...i know it's childish but I've sort of felt attached to some people as they seem to make pretty good 2nd parents. It's nice in way...Sometimes. Wow, I've just gotten off topic. But it doesn't matter since this is just a blog. =P

I'm a superhero & Random stuff

Haha, not really. Just being a helper I guess. Nothing big, I just thought about what Mr. Lon said today about the ACT. You know, we're gonna be called down tomorrow to the auditorium at 7th period just to register all together. Well, as soon as I thought about that, I realized during that time there'll be the perfect attendance assembly at the auditorium at the same time. And I don't think the people who handled the perfect attendance knew. Since I was bored & I wasn't in the mood to do homework (well, more like studying) so I actually did something about it, lmfao.

Ever tried sushi? Don't say ewwwww when you've never tried it. And trying it means you've chewed & swallowed it before. Even if you have & you make thousands of judgments on it, think about it...There's tons of different types of sushi. There's Raw sushi which most of the time isn't quite raw, they're lightly steamed, & then cooked sushi. I'd understand if people dislike raw sushi, since it's like you have to learn to like the taste. I actually love it. Cooked sushi seems more popular with Americans. There's such a thing as "Philly Roll", it's like california roll(contains avacado,imitation crab meat)but with some creamcheese. Right, that sounds weird to me since it seems less Japanese, lol. People here like it though. Something similar to sushi is the popular Korean snack, Gimbap/Kimbap. Instead of containing fish or seafood it's got meat like beef, chicken, etc. I learned about Kimbap from some relative on one of my parents' side of the family. I have no idea but although I usually claim to be full Chinese, I could be mixed with Korean as well. One of my great grandparents are kinda Korean but the thing is, we can't be sure. They died so...yeah. For some reason I partially believe we could be like 10-15% Korean but just saying I'm just Chinese makes more sense since I've never really grasped onto the Korean culture. I don't even know why I'm mentioning this, lol. Well you've learned something new.

Caffeinated Drinks Are Toxic & Awesome.

I've been feeling so tired these days. I don't sleep that late anymore though. Well, I have a stash of the original & purple AMP energy drinks & it seems to be the only thing that keeps me goin. I just found out that the purple grape flavored AMP SUCKS! It tastes ohkay, but the caffeine in it didn't have much effect on me. Cause today, I had one can & throughout the day, I still felt a bit tired & my eyes wanted to shut so badly...I'm never buying that purple one again, lol. Original,which is the color green, is so much better & keeps me wide awake. I read that energy drinks have at least 10x the amount of the caffeine that's in a cup of coffee. They say it'll give bad side effects on the long run or even cancer. Ohkay, the cancer part, I don't know if I can believe since it's never scientifically proven but then anything could happen. Honestly, I still like to drink it. I just don't drink it daily or anything cause I don't need that much caffeine or a boost. I only drink it on days where I know I'll feel really tired. There isn't really an alternative drink for me except for Espresso, which I also love, lol. But yeah, it shouldn't be too harmful if I'm not drinking it like every week. I drink it 3-4 times a month...Due to budget reasons, haha.

Like...Insomnia & RAWRRRS.

My sleeping pattern has been totally messed up eversince winter break. I would sleep at 6AM & wake up at some late time or sometimes if I'm crazy enough to, 9AM. Now, I'm trying to get back on track. Pretty hard to sleep early, lol. I can't sleep at like 10PM or anytime that early, I literally have to stay up til a certain time to be able to sleep. Yesterday, I tried using medicine to make me drowsy just to knock me off. That...didn't really work, probably I didn't give myself a higher dose. This all feels like insomnia. Well, I use to kinda have it soo...yeah it's whack.

Know what sorta pissed me off today? I left my energy drink in a teacher's fridge & outta no where, somebody took it. I heard that a lotta people who were lookin into the fridge were like "oooh, can I have it?!". Gosh, can't these people just stop taking things? So much for spending $2.00 on something I deserve.
lol, yeah I'm pissed cause it's like I gave away $2 dollars or something.

Beginning

So far this new year doesn't seem too bad. I think it'll be a decent year.
I actually miss 2008 though, lol. Sounds stupid right? For the past few days I haven't really done anything...well, nothing special I mean.All I did was played games & nearly died of boredom! I've lost so much sleep too. I kept staying up, listening to music & playing games. No life, right? Yeahh...I know. But there wasn't anything to do at home. I didn't want to go out either, I thought it was way too cold. I always chatter my teeth like crazy out there, it's annoying. Er...So much for spending the last few days of Winter break. =|


I don't know why, but I've felt troubled for a while now. I don't even know what's bothering me or what's the reason for it. But when this usually happens, I just go off to the beach somewhere & sit there with some iced green tea. Of course, I only did that in the summer, definitely not during the cold days. I don't know, the beach itself calms my nerves & makes me smile. Lol, I'm not crazy I just like being there. Well, crashing waves & the beach surrounding gives off that relaxing feeling. I've read that it's supposed to good for you, being at the beach & all. So it's beneficial. Best beach ever? Seaside Heights! I love how it's pretty clean & doesn't smell like dead clams, lol. Unfortunately, it's still the winter time & I'm not willing to freeze my ass off at the shore.