Shop Shop Shop

It's Friday, November 28th! Currently 9:05AM. I'm late for the shopping sprees. King of Prussia Mall is so farrrr...an hour+ away. I'm going by bus with my bestie, Liz. Nasia went on her own. I wonder if I'll see her there. Bet she woke up lot earlier than I did. I woke at 7:00AM. That's gay cause I was suppose to wake up at 4AM but I can't do that since I slept late. I actually am not that sure about where the bus for King of Prussia

[Edit] - 10:46 PM

Got back from King of Prussia mall. Obviously I was right about the time limit for the big sales. After 12PM, sales are over. I didn't buy much, just cheap necessities and all. :[

Well I spent like $50 today. I'm nearly broke. I want to save up my money to buy some Christmas gifts for family,friends, and some of my teachers :D
Sigh. I've been tormented by my dream (more like NIGHTMARE) for the past few days. It disgusts me so freakin' much. And it's so horrible, it's confidential.

RAWR

I finally get a freakin' break this week!! YAY!
I've been overly tired...Monster Energy Drink sucks so bad, it doesn't work. I only tried cause some guy I know be drinking it...daily. AMP by Mountain Dew is so much better. I just bought like 9 or 10 cans of those cause it was on sale. Energy drinks can cause cancer, according to a few studies. Well they say it's due to the massive amounts of caffeine, 10x more than regular coffee, 5-7x more than espresso. lol. I've been killing myself with energy drinks lately I guess. I've been addicted since freshman year, if you'd like to know.

I didn't get to watch the popular movie, Twilight. How sad! I'm suppose to be a BIG FAN of Twilight & all but I didn't even buy the t-shirt & watch the freakin' movie.

You know what? I wanna run away...Not exactly like runaway & my parents are gonna call the dang police, lol. What I mean is that I wish I could get away from South Philadelphia. I don't have anything against the city I was born in but I feel so much better when I'm like far away from it for a long period of time. That's why during the winter break I would "escape" to Egg Harbor Township as a little getaway. My cousins live there & me & my other cousin who lives in Philly would stay there for like a week or so. It's boring sometimes but it feels much better to be there than to be here. Of course, I don't like the fact that I would leave my besties & friends...And sometimes I've thought what to pick, my own happiness or the people I love? Well, I'm not as selfish as you'd think cause I'd actually think about friends & family more than myself. Especially my brother. I'm only living & trying to do what I think is right for him.
Oh look, you just learned a few things about me. Betcha didn't know that about me. Maybe. I have to stop here cause I shouldn't type too much crap here. As you know it, this is a public blog so you know how there are some nosy people like Mr. Lon. I'm just kidding :D

Mr. Lon is cool. Sometimes.

Alrighty well it's Thanksgiving today sooo I'm pretty busy & have to help my mom. My cousins are over. I wanted them to stay for three days, as there were suppose to anyway. :[
Happy Thanksgiving every oneee!

Blank

Lol, nah, I'm not under any pain or stress. It's just that I was thinking about this song called "pain". It talked about how everyone needs pain & how it could be better than happiness itself. I thought it was some crazy-ass song that made some sense in the suicidal type of way. But I figured they meant pain is the only way to help you grow, learn, & such. Happiness is good & all but the thing is that pain is something you need to go through, regardless. Well, in the song, they made it sound creepy. I talked to my mom about what we discussed in Lon's class just 5 minutes ago. She was yelling at me, lol. She thinks it sounds crazy.

Damnnnn I missed a test. Sure I regret it but...more time for reading the book!!!
>:]
And I believe we're allowed to use the book during the test anyway...lol. But wish me luck, I'm no good at tests.

Homecoming was pretty awesome. Although, I didn't like how some people were shouting out rude stuff about 2010.
RAWR.

My Sanity Is Just Fading Away

It feels like the things I do everyday reminds me of the past somehow. Friendship for instance. I remember years ago...I was the most quiet girl you'd ever know. I barely spoke, you could almost take me as a mute kid. Though, I was a good child & obeyed all rules. My lack of socializing made me lonesome. And you know, kids thought it was weird as hell to be that quiet.So of course, they'd do pranks on you, make you look even more bad, or make fun of your little flaws. I lived through it, but it seemed like I started socializing & realizing the truth about "friends" at a late time. Making friends, I'm still not all that good at. I kinda blame the past for that.
Friendship problems are the worst. It makes me think about the old times how I had no real friends but I felt safe & ohkay, didn't need to deal with friendship issues. Of course no one wishes to be lonely the way I was. My childhood makes me what I am and the mistakes I've done are connected too...
"Forgive sounds good, Forgive I'm not sure I could. Time heals everything, but I'm still waiting. Doubts are what I'm through with. I've paid a price & still will. But I'm not ready to make nice."

So I'm wondering to myself, as I'm sitting here alone...Should go back to being the girl who was strange, alone & didn't have much stress? She was that part of me who concentrated on school & didn't have to lift a finger for anyone but her family. I could use that, to strictly concentrate on school & the academics. I could probably have a better chance in reaching my goals.My world wouldn't feel too vivid, a bit gray.Though, it IS lonely at the top so yeah...Or should I stay being myself, the way I am but just tweak my personality a bit? I speak my mind & be honest. I do things for people which involves with sacrificing some things. I'd spend my time with people, make friends, interact, etc. But choosing this would mean there will be those who'll try bringing me down & emphasizing ever flaw & mistakes made for dumbass reasons. Meaning more drama, more stress to deal with.
"Is happiness what you must trade for life? It sure doesn't seem to be worth the price." At the same time I can't say being my old self would do any good, mentally. Plus I was only like that when I was younger. As people grow up, things change & might not exactly have to do with anything else but time itself.

I don't know. I just feel like everyday if there's happiness in my heart, it never lasts but it dies off quickly. I never truely was happy like that, not a long term type of happiness at least. But sometimes I just fake a smile as if I'm ohkay. Though that doesn't mean this method is used in every type of situation. I just don't want anyone to worry about me. I'm just burden.

From Insanity To Sanity. Plus, Hire MEEE!

Title says it all. I feel a little more normal now, lol. But I saw a message today, it made me have this hatred inside me...But I can manage.

Holiday season! I applied to a some stores and still, nobody hires me. what's wrong with me? It's just that I don't have job experiences...I'm not asking for a lot of money, dangg. If you guys think you could help me get a job, please...give me hand!!! I need the money for all kinds of expenses.

I'm getting more tired everyday. It's ridiculous!! I need to sleep like 9 hours just to so i won't feel so sleepy in the morning, which i can't ever do. I end up finding myself drinking espresso(a favoriteee, i know, strong caffeine does harm my health.) and maybe Energy drinks if i have some money. Speaking of espresso, I ♥ the Caramel Macchiatto. It's made with skim milk and espresso, surprising that it tastes delicious and less fat than frappicino drinks that they sell. AMP energy drinks by Mountain Dew are awesome too. I have an addiction to energy drinks, actually.

Enough of that, I have no idea what else to say.
Just that I'm in need of a job. It's urgent...Not cause I need money to shop for Christmas gifts but for my own expenses. Not bills but personal needs, miscellaneous, necessities, etc.
Pleaseeee help...I know the economy sucks, that's why it's not easy to find jobs and stuff...

BORED

Lately I've been doing pretty darn well. I'm not moody like that now, it's a good thing. :D
I'm in the process of getting over some things. I'm in the middle of getting over it. I'll be outta this nightmare, cause it feels like I can already see the light out of this...this...whatever it is. A phase? Stage? I don't know.

Today was Report card day! In other words, parents were suppose come to the school for the report card. My parents didn't...But I guess that's ohkay with me :]
I'm doing pretty good in every class except...Algebra 2. I know i got a 77, C. If I found out earlier that it was a 77 I could've asked for extra credit to boost it to 80, a B! But it's my fault...
My mom was beetching at me about that one C. She used to be supportive even if it were one puny C. Now she'd be like "how could you? See you play around and never do much about your schoolwork blah blah blah"...samething over & over. It's not a balanced type of support. She doesn't say "oh that's good but you should keep the grade up" or something like that. It's like a straight forward "YOU SUCK" kind of talk. But I admit, I don't believe I'm doing my best in school, even though my grades are decent, sorta. I feel like I can do better but I'm distracted by other crap in life: entertainment. i mean like online and socializing too much. I'm lazy too. I need to put my ass to work for once. (Sorry for the word :D )
Well I just think I need to manage with some class changes...there's one AP class I feel like I can't work out with...American History.

I can't believe this entry is mostly about academics. oh gosh.

Finding My Outta The Nightmare

Yesterday, was a horrible day. And Mr. Lon was being so mean. It's not even the type of mean that's like ohkay.
Well... I swear I was on the verge of...killing myself. Reminds me of the old past. I mean trust me, I've gone through depression but this one's one of the worst. Like reliving the depression from yearss ago...it was pretty hard to get rid of. i never went for a therapist though. my parents never knew. I'm sure they suspected something was wrong but then they probably thought it was some normal stressing. Well, that was before, I really don't remember the whole detail.
I don't know. Whatever I'm going through now, it's ridiculous. I could simply forget about it and move the F**k on. Easier said than done though.What I'm really trying to say is pretty hard to explain since I'm not trying to spill the other details.
I feel like I'm messed up now. I haven't studied due to...uh, lack of care. But I have been reading to take my mind off of a feel things, which really haven't been effective. The good thing is that I'm feeling a lot better. At the moment, I'm just trying to find the solution to the problem. Or something like that.
Monday, I suppose after 4th period, I won't be myself. That's a maybe, but it's guaranteed by 95%. ( 5% of hope in me.)

This is a lot, but heyyyyyyy...What do expect when a girl just don't feel so well? Yeah. I used to have xanga(another blog site) when i was younger. Same time when I went through some depression. You should've seen it, I typed like a lot, maybe like 2000 paragraphs. I don't blame myself for doing that as a kid, I never told people how I felt or anything. So in other words, yep my xanga was private at that time.

Enough of that. I hate to discuss about what's going on with me. Including the past.
Ohh yeah...The Movie Twilight is gonna be out soon! That's one thing I look forward to. I'm not done with the book though. I mean book 3, Eclipse. idk. the reason I couldn't finish it up was cause I didn't feel like in mood. Yeah...depression really makes everything stupid.

Shattered

I've always had that feeling.
A bad thought,
The negative side of the near future.
When it comes to relationship & deep things,
I'm almost always right.
To think that some time soon you'll break me.
That thought of mine became alive.
Today I had that feeling,
You weren't yourself.
And I found that you're so insecure,
Afraid of what we would face, all the obstacles,
The typical problems.
Something so small, which you have mentioned.
Can't you see, anyone can overcome these things!
But I can't seem to put that into your head.
Here's one obstacle to overcome: your insecurity.
I would never let any obstacle stand in our way.
But it's hard to believe,
Of all people I've looked up to,
Of all people I've admired so much,
Would actually let something like that stand in their way.


------ I'm not feeling so well today. And I don't think I'll feel any better anytime soon. I would like everyone to leave me alone. Please, don't pull any fucking jokes. Don't piss me off either. I've already had enough of reality. I just want to run away...

I ♥ Shopping & I hate those who never hired me

Lol. It probably doesn't seem like it, but I like shopping. I only like shopping at designer stores though...don't ask me why. I guess you could say it's because I believe they're better quality. But it doesn't mean I don't shop at little stores that aren't really famous and expensive. I don't have a lot of money, most of the time I'm broke. But when I have money, I go all out with it sometimes, lol. Like, just this week I went to the mall and bought this $130 plaid Peacoat and $20 hoodie from American Eagle. (Yeah! I still shop there, I don't care if they're not that popular anymore.)That's about $150 + tax. My mom was like what the hell...? Haha. Well I'm thinking of returning that plaid Peacoat in exchange of Pacsun's new plaid puffy jacket which is also plaid, for $80. But that plaid jacket at Pacsun is very similiar to the jacket I bought a year ago, except it's like plain white. As you can see, I have an obsession with PLAID! Haha, I'm weird. But um...I might just stick with the peacoat since I've never bought that type of coat.

I need money. I mentioned that a lot in my previous posts because I just can't get a part time job. Where ever I apply at, nobody calls me in for an interview. So far, I've applied to almost 20-25 stores & places, and oh my gosh, no success. I'd like to know why they don't hire me. Even like the time when they need to hire people most, I wouldn't get a call or anything. Is it cause I have no job experience? I mean I don't think it's that since I know many people who started out that way...And definitely nothing to do about the requested amount of pay. $6.50-$7 isn't much to ask for...lol. Even if I have no experience. It's not cause I'm asian either. I have no idea, these people are f*ckin' crazy. I cursed cause being jobless makes everything inconvenient.
Any tips on getting a job successfully? :[


Last thing to say...([ LOL.It's a great time to post a blog. I've lots to say!])

Love is tough
It'll make you say you've had enough
But you know for sure that isn't true
Behind it all, being with that person is what you wanna do